everybody knows...it sucks to grow up (at least according to ben folds)

i said to christie tonight, "being an adult is hard."

when i first started my job teaching kindergartners, every time an incident arose, i almost expected someone else to intervene.  as the teacher, suddenly i'm the authority.  such a strange position.  i had to make up rules. i was in charge.

i sort of became an adult in taiwan.  i wonder still how much i've gained and lost as a result of that.  in college life is only all still too convenient and effortless except for that which you put into studying, papers, and exams.  even most of your friends are within a 10-15 minute walk of you.  in taiwan, i no longer had all those conveniences of college life.  but i had a lot of help, since there's a lot of crap i couldn't do all by myself in chinese alone. and i had an easily recognizable social group (the fulbrighters, smithies who were in taiwan) from which to make friends.  and i sort of alienated myself from everyone else since the distance itself serves to do that quite well.

now i'm in the bay. i'm at a job where my competence is questioned but not because of my nationality. i don't know how to make friends or prioritize my time. and unless i want to be an americorps volunteer for another year, putting my real jobs since graduation from college at zero for the fourth year in a row, i need to find a job pronto, the way everyone else has to.  on top of that, how can i manage staying in touch with friends and family not in this area while devoting time to my sister, relationship, and myself?